Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Motorsports in 2010 Review (or We Didn't Start The Car) (II)

Seb Vettel and Dario, Red Bull and Fernando
Double J, Lorenzo Land, Sebastien Loeb

Red Bull’s hold of pole position, LMS of television
India joins South Korea – hosting a grand prix

McLaren’s F-Duct (onto wing air sucked)
Gillett, the King and Ray struggling with debts to pay

Richard Branson in heels, Lotus best of new teams
New champ has a little cry, Bridgestone Rubber goodbye

We didn’t start the car
Fuel started burning
Wheels have started turning
We didn’t start the car
No we didn’t start it
But we’ll try to park it

Spoiler back for C.O.T. V8 Super Courtney
Final laps, Will attacks, Helio’s ‘block’

Ratel’s new spell’s Bertolini Bartels
Beamer on the Nordschleife – Twice around the clock

HRT Christian Klien, Anderlecht’s the winning team
No new team will get the call, ee-jaf-jalla-juke-ll *

Strakka win in Budapest, Alabama snorefest
Turkish race, saving face – trouble is the team mate

Renault was backed by Lada
Russian cheques they’re cashing
Pay for Petrov’s crashing
Renault was backed by Lada
Their speed didn’t match it
Alonso couldn’t catch it

Tomizawa snatched away, Walkinshaw the other day
Gearbox palaver, Dindo balaclava

Hulkenburg claims the pole, Daytona pot hole
Edwards attempts homicide, NASCAR ratings still on slide

Carlos gets his Dakar win, Kimi keeps rolling
Ecclestone’s Hublot, U.S. team a no go

Peugoet blow on full attack, Audi win Le Mans back
GT1 is mighty fun, ACO don’t think so.

At last they parked Milka
She might be improving
Still she’s barely moving
At last they parked Milka
She’ll watch from the team pit
Now the fans will like it

Felipe Baby in review, Fernando’s faster than you
Newman Hamlin, pay drivers invasion

The firesuits on Delana, NASCAR Dani-mania
Ambrose ill hill, KV smash bill

Karthikeyan, Piquet, racing in the USA
Korea nearly washed away, wasn’t finished anyway

Rossi leaves Yamaha
Broken leg – no riding
Left Lorenzo gliding
Rossi leaves Yamaha
The success will judge it
Support will demand it

Lotus running everything, Schumel Shumi back again
Bahrain boring, Brand new scoring
Muller for the second time, Webber’s flipping airtime
Simona HVM, Japan Leeroy Jenkins

Surprised with the Delta Wing, sticking with Dallara thing
Belgian rains, Lewis wins, Button out, Vettel spins
Diffusers lose their second tier, KERS back after missing year
What is next then moving floors? I can’t take it anymore

We didn’t start the car
Fuel started burning
Wheels have started turning
We didn’t start the car
No we didn’t start it
But we’ll try to park it


Wondered what on eart you've just read? Have a listen to "We Didn't Start The Fire" by Billy Joel - cue it up and sing along - it really does work.

*This represents the name of the Icelandic Volcano - Eyjafjallajokull - that caused chaos in late April after its ash cloud cancelled the flights that would have returned much of the F1 circus back to Europe from the Chinese Grand Prix. It's not actually pronounced like this.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

2010 F1 Review - The Austrian Version

In honour of the F1 season of 2010 and Red Bull - the best thing to come out of Austria since the von Trapp Family Singers - here is a review of the season as you're unlikely to ever have thought of it.

And yes, this does fit into tune - I have been singing it for days.


F1 2010 - The Sound Of Music

There's a mad sort of singing from the pits of Red Bull
And the Milton Keynes people too
And round in the paddock and absurd little Bernerd
Is popping out to say "cuckoo"
Cuckoo, cuckoo

Regretfully he tells us
But firmly he compels us
To say goodbye.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight
Vettel, he took the title in the night

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu
Massa, Massa, Fernando's faster than yieu

So long, farewell, au revior, auf wiedersehen
Sutil is still to taste his first champagne

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye
The Hulk must leave his team and say goodbye
Fernie could win (if Petrov let him by)
Mark flit, Mark float, Mark fleetly flee, Mark fly!
F1 has gone to bed and so must I

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye