Oh dear merciful Lord, it’s back! Just when you thought it was safe to be a NASCAR driver and do something vaguely stupid “All Killer, No Filler” returns after one it’s brief getaways.
This means that instead of being stuck with the seven dwarfs of the race before I get to pick and choose who I want from a bunch of races, so sit back (not that far back, you’ll probably need to scroll down) and enjoy the shambling, shuffling (and rather late) return of AFNK as it slips in the back door like you do when you come home three hours late after a night at the pub.
Let’s just hope they’re not up still.....
Dave Blaney – Yes, I get to pick and choose who gets to ride the bus this week, but it just wouldn’t be an edition of AKNK without Dave Blaney, he’s the field filler comfort blanket that keeps us all warm at night. Sunday night at Fontana he didn’t disappoint (although he was still recovering from a dizzying 37th place in Dover) as he fumbled to finish 40th, completing just 22 laps before “overheating” parked the car............10/10
Michael McDowell – People of California. I ask you “was it absurdly hot on Sunday afternoon?” Could you fry eggs on the pavement? Were people breaking hydrants simply to get some fresh, cooling water that evaporated before it even touched the ground where it would have instantly boiled on contact? I only ask as there seems to have been an outbreak of overheating at Fontana, with Blaney, Mcdowell and David Gilliland all had their races ended by over-heating (although between you and me the only “heat” involved in Gilliland and the #71’s retirement was Kyle Busch’s fever and the Gibbs money burning a whole in the team’s pocket...................10/10
Michael Waltrip – MWR have gone insane! First you have Michael’s Evil Kneivel impression through the big accident on Sunday. Everyone else is crashing, spinning and wrecking around you, what do you do? a) back off until you the smoke clears or your spotter tells you the spinning, crashing and wrecking has stopped or b) floor it right through the middle, doing a combination of fervent prayer and the song your mother used to sing to you? If you picked a) you’re sensible, if you picked b) you’re Michael Waltrip (hello Michael) or you’re just being silly. Then comes the news they’re chatting up Danica Patrick about a move to NASCAR. They can’t be that desperate for publicity.....4/10
Sam Hornish – Honey, I’m worried about Sam. I think he might actually be a NASCAR driver. The artist formally known as Sideways turned in another creditable performance by finishing 12th, a result that once would have only been because of the top contenders crashing, flukish fuel economy or divine intervention. Sam may have outlived his days as a NASCAR joke, which mean we need someone to fill his shoes..........3/10
Casey Mears – And who better to move onto that Casey Mears, a man who has had every opportunity thrust upon him and has failed to do anything, other than with the help of the same divine intervention mentioned above. The TV people are obviously fearful for Casey’s future, going to great lengths to point out how he was running sixth for a few laps, which was his highest finish of the season (I wonder how many fully funded multi-car teams would be proud of that?). Casey soon slumped to eleventh, which isn’t his best finish of the season.........4/10
Ryan Newman – Perhaps it’s because I’m not American, or because I like watching racing, rather that listening to infomercials, that NASCAR constant product placement makes me squirm in my seat like I’ve just had an accident in my trousers (sorry, pants). But at Lowe’s on Saturday Ryan and Jeff Gordon will promote the Transformers sequel, but “becoming” Transformers themselves (I’m not sure but I don’t think they’re going to fit the templates somehow). The only way it could be any better is if Jimmie Johnson were the evil Megatron – actually there is no way we know he isn’t......5/10
Brian Vickers – My guess is Brian is probably hoping he didn’t make the Chase right now. That was he’d be getting all his appalling luck and bad weekends out of the way while no-one was looking, concentrating on the efforts of Kyle Busch after he made the Chase at Richmond. This weeks misfortune was a broken shock absorber, which the team overcame with the same sort of technical expertise you use when you lick a battery to see if it’s working, by shoving four spring rubbers in. Then they managed to get involved in the big crash – more on that later.......7/10
And the Brikkie Goes To............
Let us address the Brikkie by tapping into movie and/or book quotes. What, everyone are the rules of Fight Club? 1. You don’t talk about Fight Club. 2. You don’t talk about Fight Club. Now let’s compare that to the rules of NASCAR (or at least what we imagine the rules to be, the book itself being as elusive as Unicorn crap) 1. You don’t talk about debris cautions. 2. You don’t talk debris cautions. I think Kasey Kahne’s in trouble.
Next Week.
A right mixed bag. David Ragan and Paul Menard, Michael “crazyman” Watrip and Denny Hamlin, alongside the field filler trio of Dave Blaney, Mike Bliss and David Gilliland.
Showing posts with label All Filler No Killer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label All Filler No Killer. Show all posts
Friday, 16 October 2009
Thursday, 24 September 2009
All Filler, No Killer - The Confusion Abounds Edition
NASCAR drivers are simple beings.
Why else would the complain the end to the race was confusing?
Yes there was tyre smoke, and yes there was a yellow flag, but that's not exactly uncommon is it?
What are they going to be like when it gets really confusing (checks NASCAR schedule for Talladega), how do they cope in the real world where we have really confusing things, like having to cook at roast dinner, or women (please not, I'm saying women are confusing, not that cooking women is confusing (although it would be, you need to find a place to buy a bigger oven for starters))
Anyway - on with the show.
Max Papis - An easy start. The was no Max Papis at Loudon, and there is only so much you can write about fresh air - it's mostly nitrogen you know............10/10
Dave Blaney - One more race. One more retirement. One more excuse (electrical this week). It really is coming to the point where there is only so much you can say about Dave Blaney's "season"....................10/10
Michael McDowell - M&M called it a day after only 36 laps (maybe Tommy Baldwin wanted to work on his Phil Parsons-esque money counting). At this point in the season, cast your mind back to Daytona. What were we being told where the "feel good stories" of the season. Tommy Baldwin and Jeremy Mayfield, and what do we have now - just another field filler, and nothing at all............10/10
Aric Almirola - I have a confession to make. It wasn't until I can to start writing AFNK this week that I realised that Aric was in the #09 car (rather than Mike Bliss whose slot this is). Now that is a poor start (especially as I am one of the few who believes the young man deserves a proper Cup chance), even worse is going a lap down early and finishing 29th. Dear Aric, you only get so many chances in the shop window when people are looking, and you were looking in the wrong direction................8/10
Jamie McMurray - In the least surprising news since [insert a very unsurprising news story here, feel free to suggest your own in the comments section] Jamie McMurray is pretty much signed for Earnhardt Ganassi. However, still behind the wheel of a Ford he came a creditable 18th (one behind chief-Roushketeer Carl Edwards). And by way of comparison he was behind only one of the drivers who took 'his' ride at Yates (but what do I know of the people who make decisions)....................4/10
Brian Vickers - If anyone doubted Vickers' Chase credentials (OK, you can put your hands down now) then his run at Loudon should have done a lot to shut you up. His 26th place start, compared to Shrub's 9th, seemed to show the wrong Camry man was in the shootout, and although Kyle's 5th (admitedly with cheating) beat BV (which in nature stands for Belch Vocalisation, how gorillas communicate) by 6 places the Red Bull driver's push though the field and up to 8th in the standings showed that he might yet have a part to play yet...........2/10
Tony Stewart - Can we all club together and buy Tony Stewart a lucky rabbit's foot, or a four leafed clover, or at least repair the mirror he broke to try and solve the shoddy luck he and his #14 team have had the last few weeks. This week's curious failure was an axel cap, that plunged a front running drive, and return to form, to a battle for track position and very early Chase damage limitation...................4/10
And the Brikkie Goes To.............
OK, let's not beat around the bush, it's Dale Earnhardt Jr. I'm no fan at all of when driver's call each other out for a percieved lack of talent, and Jr. did exactly that to David Reutimann after their late race crash. David just got loose and Jr. happened to be in exactly the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens to everyone, I'm sure even St. Junior of Kannapolis has made the mistake occasionally. However, in his defence I suppose if anyone should be able to recognise anyone running out of talent it should be Dale Jr.
Next Week
The circus head to Dover, with the man on the tightrope of control, Sam Hornish Jr, Rocketman Ryan Newman, acrobat Carl Edwards, the trio of clowns with Tony Raines, Dave Blaney and Michael McDowell and Michael Waltrip - the bearded lady.
Why else would the complain the end to the race was confusing?
Yes there was tyre smoke, and yes there was a yellow flag, but that's not exactly uncommon is it?
What are they going to be like when it gets really confusing (checks NASCAR schedule for Talladega), how do they cope in the real world where we have really confusing things, like having to cook at roast dinner, or women (please not, I'm saying women are confusing, not that cooking women is confusing (although it would be, you need to find a place to buy a bigger oven for starters))
Anyway - on with the show.
Max Papis - An easy start. The was no Max Papis at Loudon, and there is only so much you can write about fresh air - it's mostly nitrogen you know............10/10
Dave Blaney - One more race. One more retirement. One more excuse (electrical this week). It really is coming to the point where there is only so much you can say about Dave Blaney's "season"....................10/10
Michael McDowell - M&M called it a day after only 36 laps (maybe Tommy Baldwin wanted to work on his Phil Parsons-esque money counting). At this point in the season, cast your mind back to Daytona. What were we being told where the "feel good stories" of the season. Tommy Baldwin and Jeremy Mayfield, and what do we have now - just another field filler, and nothing at all............10/10
Aric Almirola - I have a confession to make. It wasn't until I can to start writing AFNK this week that I realised that Aric was in the #09 car (rather than Mike Bliss whose slot this is). Now that is a poor start (especially as I am one of the few who believes the young man deserves a proper Cup chance), even worse is going a lap down early and finishing 29th. Dear Aric, you only get so many chances in the shop window when people are looking, and you were looking in the wrong direction................8/10
Jamie McMurray - In the least surprising news since [insert a very unsurprising news story here, feel free to suggest your own in the comments section] Jamie McMurray is pretty much signed for Earnhardt Ganassi. However, still behind the wheel of a Ford he came a creditable 18th (one behind chief-Roushketeer Carl Edwards). And by way of comparison he was behind only one of the drivers who took 'his' ride at Yates (but what do I know of the people who make decisions)....................4/10
Brian Vickers - If anyone doubted Vickers' Chase credentials (OK, you can put your hands down now) then his run at Loudon should have done a lot to shut you up. His 26th place start, compared to Shrub's 9th, seemed to show the wrong Camry man was in the shootout, and although Kyle's 5th (admitedly with cheating) beat BV (which in nature stands for Belch Vocalisation, how gorillas communicate) by 6 places the Red Bull driver's push though the field and up to 8th in the standings showed that he might yet have a part to play yet...........2/10
Tony Stewart - Can we all club together and buy Tony Stewart a lucky rabbit's foot, or a four leafed clover, or at least repair the mirror he broke to try and solve the shoddy luck he and his #14 team have had the last few weeks. This week's curious failure was an axel cap, that plunged a front running drive, and return to form, to a battle for track position and very early Chase damage limitation...................4/10
And the Brikkie Goes To.............
OK, let's not beat around the bush, it's Dale Earnhardt Jr. I'm no fan at all of when driver's call each other out for a percieved lack of talent, and Jr. did exactly that to David Reutimann after their late race crash. David just got loose and Jr. happened to be in exactly the wrong place at the wrong time. It happens to everyone, I'm sure even St. Junior of Kannapolis has made the mistake occasionally. However, in his defence I suppose if anyone should be able to recognise anyone running out of talent it should be Dale Jr.
Next Week
The circus head to Dover, with the man on the tightrope of control, Sam Hornish Jr, Rocketman Ryan Newman, acrobat Carl Edwards, the trio of clowns with Tony Raines, Dave Blaney and Michael McDowell and Michael Waltrip - the bearded lady.
Thursday, 17 September 2009
All Filler, No Killer - The Chasing Your Tail Edition
OK, so it's the Chase again.
Do you like it or loath it?
Do you love the fact that drivers were fighting each other with single positions the difference between Chase and no Chase, and will be fighting for the next ten races for the title? Or loath the fact that the man who won the sport's biggest race and (arguably) the best driver in NASCAR will have to be contended with 13th.
Of course, NASCAR face a dilemma, as Dale "the cash-cow" Jr. isn't in the Chase (let's see them change the rules of next year). Nor, currently is he anywhere near the cut-off for next year's shootout, being about the 11th best Chevy in the standings, but that is but a small hurdle. Yes, there are quite a few Jr. rants week. You'll see.
Mike Bliss - Welcome to the merry-go-round that never stops that is the NASCAR driver market. On the merry-go-round this week Mike Bliss got off the horse-that-goes-up-and-down that is the #09 car and onto the static-sleigh-thingy of the #71 (if your interested in this strange metaphor David Gilliland was onto the bit-on-the-middle-that-doesn't-turn). And this week that static-sleigh-thingy had "transmission" troubles and finished 42nd....................10/10
Dave Blaney - The only man who failed to beat Mike was, the one, the only (thankfully as far as this season's "displays" have gone) Dave Blaney. Once more the Buckeye Blank was pulled in very, very early (36 laps the official count). And the good news is, with Yates and Petty merging for next year we're likely to have at least one more field filler. Competition for last place may soon become more fierce than for first......................10/10
Joe Nemechek - Are you sitting down? Good. Joe actually finished. I mean he almost did the proper race distance, only finishing 4 laps down, in 35th (for anyone else 35th would have me labelling them "anonymous" and "filler-ish", but Joe managing that this year is similar in surprise level to him managing to part the Red Sea, but if he can manage to get a proper sponsor for that I suppose there is always hope.............8/10
Dale Earnhardt Jr. - OK, so Jr. once again Dale Jr. looked like he might do something to warrant the hours of TV time that are dedicated to him, but once more failed miserably - I just want to find the first TV person to point out that Jr. is a failure as he's the only Hendrick car not in the Chase (and then follow him as he cashes his first Social Security check). However, the worst thing is the "Most Valuable Pit Crew", or whatever it is (it's probably got a sponsor in there somewhere). How in the name of chocolate covered pretzels can Dale Jr.'s pitcrew be considered valuable? They spent the first half of the season finding every excuse fathomable to be completely and utterly rubbish, and have spent the second half of the season being mediocre at best. No, it's clearly a sign that there are NASCAR fans who don't actually watch the racing, and only listen to the sentences that begin "look at Dale Earnhardt Jr...." or "Dick's got something on the 88 car." Rant Over...................7/10
Reed Sorenson - Reed Sorenson needs to win the lottery - that way we can get rid of Paul Menard to go and spend his inheritance and learn to shave properly. That's the only reason Menard the mobile chicane has a drive for next season, and Reed is out on his ear, despite finishing 16th to Menard's 28th, and while it was nice to see Reed trying to diversify into stunt driving as part of "Tony Stewart's Synchronised Spin Team" he is far better than to be jobless. Also, am I the only one who thinks that simply saying "Reynolds Wrap" is funny?.......4/10
Carl Edwards - Crippled Flipper did enough to get through to the Chase, there's not much you can say more than that. That was as well as winning the Nationwide race, and not being able to flip in celebration, which I suppose is a good thing, mainly because the scream of agony would have vapourised the first few rows of the crowd. However, it would be quite interesting to see how easy it is to thank all your sponsors while your foot is in jigsaw form...............4/10
Brian Vickers - Dale Jr. fans are very confused this week. They like Brian Vickers because he's kept Kyle Busch (the sworn enemy of Jr. nation) out of the Chase, but still have residual hatred for him from all the way in Talladega in what feels like a previous century, and of course for Lap124-gate at Daytona in February, where we all remember Vickers took out Jr. But Vickers fan(s), just rest safe i the knowledge that your man is in the Chase in a team that didn't exist three years ago, and Jr.'s a long way outside in the team that's set the pace for pretty much the past decade.........2/10
And the Brikkie goes too...........
Well, Clint Bowyer made a decent attempt at getting the last regular season Brikkie, but instead it gets aimed firmly at Matt Kenseth. Frankly, that was rubbish. To be honest the Brikkie was getting aimed as soon as your qualifying attempt was slower than thick syrup, and it looked like you'd rather be anywhere than Richmond this week, and anywhere other than the Chase next week, and if that was the case the second part of your wish came true.
Next Week
Another stellar line-up for AFNK, with Chase contenders Brian Vickers and Tony Stewart, the (officially) employmentally challenged Jamie McMurray, Italy's own Max Papis. And of course the trifecta of excuses of Dave Blaney, Mike Bliss and Michael McDowell.
Do you like it or loath it?
Do you love the fact that drivers were fighting each other with single positions the difference between Chase and no Chase, and will be fighting for the next ten races for the title? Or loath the fact that the man who won the sport's biggest race and (arguably) the best driver in NASCAR will have to be contended with 13th.
Of course, NASCAR face a dilemma, as Dale "the cash-cow" Jr. isn't in the Chase (let's see them change the rules of next year). Nor, currently is he anywhere near the cut-off for next year's shootout, being about the 11th best Chevy in the standings, but that is but a small hurdle. Yes, there are quite a few Jr. rants week. You'll see.
Mike Bliss - Welcome to the merry-go-round that never stops that is the NASCAR driver market. On the merry-go-round this week Mike Bliss got off the horse-that-goes-up-and-down that is the #09 car and onto the static-sleigh-thingy of the #71 (if your interested in this strange metaphor David Gilliland was onto the bit-on-the-middle-that-doesn't-turn). And this week that static-sleigh-thingy had "transmission" troubles and finished 42nd....................10/10
Dave Blaney - The only man who failed to beat Mike was, the one, the only (thankfully as far as this season's "displays" have gone) Dave Blaney. Once more the Buckeye Blank was pulled in very, very early (36 laps the official count). And the good news is, with Yates and Petty merging for next year we're likely to have at least one more field filler. Competition for last place may soon become more fierce than for first......................10/10
Joe Nemechek - Are you sitting down? Good. Joe actually finished. I mean he almost did the proper race distance, only finishing 4 laps down, in 35th (for anyone else 35th would have me labelling them "anonymous" and "filler-ish", but Joe managing that this year is similar in surprise level to him managing to part the Red Sea, but if he can manage to get a proper sponsor for that I suppose there is always hope.............8/10
Dale Earnhardt Jr. - OK, so Jr. once again Dale Jr. looked like he might do something to warrant the hours of TV time that are dedicated to him, but once more failed miserably - I just want to find the first TV person to point out that Jr. is a failure as he's the only Hendrick car not in the Chase (and then follow him as he cashes his first Social Security check). However, the worst thing is the "Most Valuable Pit Crew", or whatever it is (it's probably got a sponsor in there somewhere). How in the name of chocolate covered pretzels can Dale Jr.'s pitcrew be considered valuable? They spent the first half of the season finding every excuse fathomable to be completely and utterly rubbish, and have spent the second half of the season being mediocre at best. No, it's clearly a sign that there are NASCAR fans who don't actually watch the racing, and only listen to the sentences that begin "look at Dale Earnhardt Jr...." or "Dick's got something on the 88 car." Rant Over...................7/10
Reed Sorenson - Reed Sorenson needs to win the lottery - that way we can get rid of Paul Menard to go and spend his inheritance and learn to shave properly. That's the only reason Menard the mobile chicane has a drive for next season, and Reed is out on his ear, despite finishing 16th to Menard's 28th, and while it was nice to see Reed trying to diversify into stunt driving as part of "Tony Stewart's Synchronised Spin Team" he is far better than to be jobless. Also, am I the only one who thinks that simply saying "Reynolds Wrap" is funny?.......4/10
Carl Edwards - Crippled Flipper did enough to get through to the Chase, there's not much you can say more than that. That was as well as winning the Nationwide race, and not being able to flip in celebration, which I suppose is a good thing, mainly because the scream of agony would have vapourised the first few rows of the crowd. However, it would be quite interesting to see how easy it is to thank all your sponsors while your foot is in jigsaw form...............4/10
Brian Vickers - Dale Jr. fans are very confused this week. They like Brian Vickers because he's kept Kyle Busch (the sworn enemy of Jr. nation) out of the Chase, but still have residual hatred for him from all the way in Talladega in what feels like a previous century, and of course for Lap124-gate at Daytona in February, where we all remember Vickers took out Jr. But Vickers fan(s), just rest safe i the knowledge that your man is in the Chase in a team that didn't exist three years ago, and Jr.'s a long way outside in the team that's set the pace for pretty much the past decade.........2/10
And the Brikkie goes too...........
Well, Clint Bowyer made a decent attempt at getting the last regular season Brikkie, but instead it gets aimed firmly at Matt Kenseth. Frankly, that was rubbish. To be honest the Brikkie was getting aimed as soon as your qualifying attempt was slower than thick syrup, and it looked like you'd rather be anywhere than Richmond this week, and anywhere other than the Chase next week, and if that was the case the second part of your wish came true.
Next Week
Another stellar line-up for AFNK, with Chase contenders Brian Vickers and Tony Stewart, the (officially) employmentally challenged Jamie McMurray, Italy's own Max Papis. And of course the trifecta of excuses of Dave Blaney, Mike Bliss and Michael McDowell.
Thursday, 10 September 2009
All Filler, No Killer - The Kid in the Candy Shop Edition
I am a kid who has been given the keys to the candy shop, and the delivery times of the candy truck every week so he can get the fresh stuff before anyone else gets their grubby hands on it.
Yes, through my other amatuer writing I have been given the keys to the realm of NASCAR media.
And, of course, like the metaphorical kid in sweet shop, I haven't a clue what to do with it right. I'm sure you'll agree AFNK isn't exactly the most statistically in depth peice of writing in the world, but there are so many shiny numbers and quotes and facts and figures and more numbers and pictures.
Well it's enough to make you think so hard you'll let a little bit of wee out.
And with that stunning bodily-function related revelation, let's get on with it.
Tony Raines - Kicking off a bumper crop of field fillers this week, comes the man in the #37 car, who managed to limbo under the bar of lowness set by Blaney, Nemechek and company by actually failing to qualify, turning a lap at 176mph, some 3mph slower than the lowest other go-or-go-home car. However, he was 2mph faster than Eric Darnell, who must have lapped the entire Atlanta metro area he was so slow...................12/10
Regan Smith - And this week I bring you not just one, but two DNQ sob stories - and this one has even more sob, as it has slightly less rubbish driver. Regan Smith would have been fast enough to get in the field (4mph faster than Darnell the Cab driver) had Atlanta not been one of the races that the, apparently retired, Terry Labonte turned up to with his Champions' Provisional round his neck (I always imagine they wear these things round their neck like media passes). (Oh - media - look there were 31 cars on the lead lap on lap 160)..........11/10
Dave Blaney - Back to the well trodden field filler pastures of Dave Blaney and Prism Racing, who this week managed only 19 laps (the days when Dave would complete a dizzying 49 laps are but a distant happy memory now) before retiring to the pits, with an "electrical" problem. Presumably it's the same sort of electrical 'problem' I have when I forget to plug my laptop in and it runs out of battery.................10/10
Joe Nemechek - And completing only 6 more laps than Dave, but paradoxically banking 300 fewer almighty dollars, comes Joe Nemechek, whose excuse this week was brakes. That means, stat fans, that Atlanta was the fourth time Joe has claimed brakes stopped his race, making it his favourite excuse, with 'brakes' now being a clear leader over 'transmission'. And I didn't even need the media gubbins to find that out..............10/10
A.J. Allmendinger - Hooray for someone that actually raced! OK, so it's only A.J. Allmendinger, but it's an improvement. A.J. just avoided the 20-somethings of anonymity by finishing a glorious 20th from a 35th starting position, but otherwise had a very quiet race, completing absolutely zero "quality passes" (I'm a beginner at statistics, I haven't a clue what a quality pass is - presumably one where he has no hands on the wheel, or is steering with his feet as he's passing or something else to raise it from 'ordinary' into 'quality')....................6/10
Kurt Busch - The winner of the first Atlanta race brought back the same car, and found the situation very different indeed, struggling to hold on to his car (but then I think everyone was at some point) until he decided to try and reprise his 'Unwind Lap' routine and only succeeded in finding the wall, and waking Joey Logano up..............................5/10
David Reutimann - I'm guessing David doesn't much care for the statistics I now have at my fingertips this week. With his fourth place finish he is still in mathmatical contention for The Chase, using the word 'mathmatical' in the way only sports analysts can of dismissing someone's chances out of hand. And let's be fair to actually be in the top-12 after Richmond David needs a large swathe of Virginia to open up and swallow about a dozen NASCAR drivers (or 42 to be on the safe side), or at least find a way of taking Matt Kenseth out before Blaney, Nemechek and their gang decide to stop for coffee..................3/10
And the Brikkie Goes To.......................
Carl Edwards. Carl, consider this a hold over Brikkie as AFNK doesn't explicitely cover the Nationwide Series. You steal Marcos' Nationwide victory and write off his Grand-Am car last week. That had me calling for Karma to come and get you (read the Power Rankings and you'll understand) and it did. Karma punishes you with a broken foot, and engine trouble (although at least it meant we saw less of that paint job - I know it was a cancer charity, and it's not PC to say so, but that was hideous). That cumulative two week extravaganza of moronic behaviour earn Flipper a Brikkie - aimed at his foot.
Next Week
NASCAR heads for the paradise of The Chase by the dashboard light of a Richmonf night race. And AFNK gets some high profile play mates, with limping Flipper Carl Edwards, Dale Earnhardt Jr, Chase hopeful Brian Vickers and Reed Sorenson (provided he's not scanning classifieds for a job next year). And, of course your weekly dose of field filler with Dave Blaney, Joe Nemechek and Mike Bliss
Yes, through my other amatuer writing I have been given the keys to the realm of NASCAR media.
And, of course, like the metaphorical kid in sweet shop, I haven't a clue what to do with it right. I'm sure you'll agree AFNK isn't exactly the most statistically in depth peice of writing in the world, but there are so many shiny numbers and quotes and facts and figures and more numbers and pictures.
Well it's enough to make you think so hard you'll let a little bit of wee out.
And with that stunning bodily-function related revelation, let's get on with it.
Tony Raines - Kicking off a bumper crop of field fillers this week, comes the man in the #37 car, who managed to limbo under the bar of lowness set by Blaney, Nemechek and company by actually failing to qualify, turning a lap at 176mph, some 3mph slower than the lowest other go-or-go-home car. However, he was 2mph faster than Eric Darnell, who must have lapped the entire Atlanta metro area he was so slow...................12/10
Regan Smith - And this week I bring you not just one, but two DNQ sob stories - and this one has even more sob, as it has slightly less rubbish driver. Regan Smith would have been fast enough to get in the field (4mph faster than Darnell the Cab driver) had Atlanta not been one of the races that the, apparently retired, Terry Labonte turned up to with his Champions' Provisional round his neck (I always imagine they wear these things round their neck like media passes). (Oh - media - look there were 31 cars on the lead lap on lap 160)..........11/10
Dave Blaney - Back to the well trodden field filler pastures of Dave Blaney and Prism Racing, who this week managed only 19 laps (the days when Dave would complete a dizzying 49 laps are but a distant happy memory now) before retiring to the pits, with an "electrical" problem. Presumably it's the same sort of electrical 'problem' I have when I forget to plug my laptop in and it runs out of battery.................10/10
Joe Nemechek - And completing only 6 more laps than Dave, but paradoxically banking 300 fewer almighty dollars, comes Joe Nemechek, whose excuse this week was brakes. That means, stat fans, that Atlanta was the fourth time Joe has claimed brakes stopped his race, making it his favourite excuse, with 'brakes' now being a clear leader over 'transmission'. And I didn't even need the media gubbins to find that out..............10/10
A.J. Allmendinger - Hooray for someone that actually raced! OK, so it's only A.J. Allmendinger, but it's an improvement. A.J. just avoided the 20-somethings of anonymity by finishing a glorious 20th from a 35th starting position, but otherwise had a very quiet race, completing absolutely zero "quality passes" (I'm a beginner at statistics, I haven't a clue what a quality pass is - presumably one where he has no hands on the wheel, or is steering with his feet as he's passing or something else to raise it from 'ordinary' into 'quality')....................6/10
Kurt Busch - The winner of the first Atlanta race brought back the same car, and found the situation very different indeed, struggling to hold on to his car (but then I think everyone was at some point) until he decided to try and reprise his 'Unwind Lap' routine and only succeeded in finding the wall, and waking Joey Logano up..............................5/10
David Reutimann - I'm guessing David doesn't much care for the statistics I now have at my fingertips this week. With his fourth place finish he is still in mathmatical contention for The Chase, using the word 'mathmatical' in the way only sports analysts can of dismissing someone's chances out of hand. And let's be fair to actually be in the top-12 after Richmond David needs a large swathe of Virginia to open up and swallow about a dozen NASCAR drivers (or 42 to be on the safe side), or at least find a way of taking Matt Kenseth out before Blaney, Nemechek and their gang decide to stop for coffee..................3/10
And the Brikkie Goes To.......................
Carl Edwards. Carl, consider this a hold over Brikkie as AFNK doesn't explicitely cover the Nationwide Series. You steal Marcos' Nationwide victory and write off his Grand-Am car last week. That had me calling for Karma to come and get you (read the Power Rankings and you'll understand) and it did. Karma punishes you with a broken foot, and engine trouble (although at least it meant we saw less of that paint job - I know it was a cancer charity, and it's not PC to say so, but that was hideous). That cumulative two week extravaganza of moronic behaviour earn Flipper a Brikkie - aimed at his foot.
Next Week
NASCAR heads for the paradise of The Chase by the dashboard light of a Richmonf night race. And AFNK gets some high profile play mates, with limping Flipper Carl Edwards, Dale Earnhardt Jr, Chase hopeful Brian Vickers and Reed Sorenson (provided he's not scanning classifieds for a job next year). And, of course your weekly dose of field filler with Dave Blaney, Joe Nemechek and Mike Bliss
Friday, 28 August 2009
All Filler, No Killer - The Back on the Road Edition
I've returned from my three week summer blogging break, which of couse gives me one of the AFNK editions where I get to pick and choose what drivers I want to rant about. They're my rules, and I'm sticking to them.
And so we pick the Cup Series up at their second trip to Bristol, TN, and one of the rare night races I actually get to watch live (incidentally the average human consumes enough caffeine to kil a horse - every year).
Enough wittering, on with the usual gubbins, 7 drivers with paragraphs of nonsense that often actually manage to mention NASCAR.
Dave Blaney - Dave, Dave, Dave, what are we going to do with you. You can manage to get the Prism heap of scrap car to start 4th, but then Prism heap of scrap team and the return of Phil Parson's legendary Moth Wallet (along with a helpful nudge from David Gilliland) managed to end his after an official count of 8 laps. The official reason for the retirement was an "accident". That was a rubbish accident! If "accidents" like that put cars out at Bristol (or anywhere) then no-one would actually finish, Personal Injury Lawyers would be inudated with people having "accidents" (I decided to chainsaw my arm off), and many, many more children would have to be told by their parents they were an "accident" (Well, Jonny, you were an accident, first we had a candlelight dinner, then a bath together, before watching a blue movie in bed while I licked body chocolate off your mother......) Oh, and showing my colours here, but with the economy picking up again (apparently, no-one's told my bank account) can we please get Dave into a 2010 ride with a team that isn't so 'environmentally friendly'.....................8/10
Joe Nemechek - While there may be hope for The Blaney, there can be no hope for Joe Nemechek. Even with a sponsor his season has plumbed such depths that the TV team don't even bother to mention he's gone "behind the wall" or "to the garage" anymore. In fact, I fully expect them to start telling us that Joe (or Blaney) haven't done either of those things by, say, lap 50. This week Joe was seen skulking off to count his Greenies after an official count of 48 laps...................10/10
Tony Stewart - Put your fingers in your ears now Tony Stewart fans (or actually skip down a paragraph as your hearing does not effect your ability to read) because you know this isn't going to be pretty. You done that now? Good. What the hell was that?! Just because you have an umpteen hundred point lead doesn't mean you can decide to complete rubbish for a week. First you are the first car to go a lap down, then you have so many spare radios that must have had more dud equipment than your local AV swap meet, then you go speeding down pit road, and when you finally have had enough of (almost certainly) turning the air inside the car blue and decide to try and park it, NASCAR come along with a 'helpful' truck to get you going again. Don't they know who you are?! When you just want to go home they should just let you.....................7/10
Joey Logano - Sliced Bread's race was a little like a single round or toast with strawberry jam which you later find has a maggot in it. Short and sweet at the beginning, before hours of fret and worry, with a nasty ending. He backs his car into the wall early on to scupper his own race, before donning the black cape and picking up a scithe to read the final last rites (priests do hold a scithe when reading the last rites, right, just for effect) for Clint Bowyer's Chase hopes, by giving him a helping the Hamburger Helper into Michael Waltrip....................7/10
Martin Truex Jr - More ups and downs than a roller coaster (or a whore's drawer's for a crude British turn of phrase) is one (or two) ways to describe Truex's race. Speeding off pit road was the first big drop, before working his way all the way back up to the sharp end of the field, before a tyre let go. Then came the loop-the-loop, or corkscrew (if we're continuing the roller coaster metaphor, I'll let you think of something else for the other other) when we were shown employee relations MWR style and Martin got together with his boss next year en route to shortening Michael's car and watering the Bristol apron (I wonder if Martin's been told that was one of his chassis for next year?).................5/10
Sam Hornish Jr. - Praise be! Sam Hornish has returned. After a number of recent weeks when 'Sam Hornish' did quite well in races, Sam returned to the sideways form we know and love him for (not you David Stremme, you're just rubbish, no get out and let the new spotty kid in), by wiping his livery off on the wall, seriously Sam, sponsors don't like that, you can't even read their names on the wall after you've done it. He didn't even manage to beat the steam driven world record (which was actually broken this week). From this we can only summise that Sam hasn't been Sam in recent weeks, and well, the latest series of Top Gear finished here a few weeks ago, so The Stig's been free......................7/10
Kurt Busch - Congratulations Kurt Busch! You have done something that most of us previously though impossible, you have managed to have a pit problem that even Dale Earnhardt Jr. hasn't had. Was that tear off just extra sticky, or did you have a particularly weedy crewman this week? Kristen, is there a weedy #2 crewman, like one you needs help getting the lids off yogurts or is always claiming he "loosened" jar lids? On the good side we we're given the American Beauty moment of NASCAR as camera's watched the suddenly freed tear off wend it's way into the catch fencing, although no-one has confirmed the director as saying "it's the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed"..............3/10
And the Brikkie goes to...........
As if there was ever any competition this week, of course it's Kevin Harvick. He was the knee-capping to Joey Logano's mob-hit execution of Clint Bowyer's chase hopes, managed to tear up his own equipment, and by all accounts was living up to the name of a completely different Dwarf to his nickname, and he wasn't Doc, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful (although in previous seasons he's been one full of bashes) or Dopey (actually scratch that, Dopey might explain a few things).
Next Week
Well, of course, as is happens, I'm back off my break just as NASCAR's premier series have a week off ahead of going to Atlanta. There we'll have a return for Kurt Busch, a possible no-show from Regan Smith, all too rare visits from A.J. Allmendinger and David Reutimann, and of course, your recommended weekly allowance of the fibre that goes straight through NASCAR, with Dave Blaney, Joe Nemechek and Tony Raines.
And so we pick the Cup Series up at their second trip to Bristol, TN, and one of the rare night races I actually get to watch live (incidentally the average human consumes enough caffeine to kil a horse - every year).
Enough wittering, on with the usual gubbins, 7 drivers with paragraphs of nonsense that often actually manage to mention NASCAR.
Dave Blaney - Dave, Dave, Dave, what are we going to do with you. You can manage to get the Prism heap of scrap car to start 4th, but then Prism heap of scrap team and the return of Phil Parson's legendary Moth Wallet (along with a helpful nudge from David Gilliland) managed to end his after an official count of 8 laps. The official reason for the retirement was an "accident". That was a rubbish accident! If "accidents" like that put cars out at Bristol (or anywhere) then no-one would actually finish, Personal Injury Lawyers would be inudated with people having "accidents" (I decided to chainsaw my arm off), and many, many more children would have to be told by their parents they were an "accident" (Well, Jonny, you were an accident, first we had a candlelight dinner, then a bath together, before watching a blue movie in bed while I licked body chocolate off your mother......) Oh, and showing my colours here, but with the economy picking up again (apparently, no-one's told my bank account) can we please get Dave into a 2010 ride with a team that isn't so 'environmentally friendly'.....................8/10
Joe Nemechek - While there may be hope for The Blaney, there can be no hope for Joe Nemechek. Even with a sponsor his season has plumbed such depths that the TV team don't even bother to mention he's gone "behind the wall" or "to the garage" anymore. In fact, I fully expect them to start telling us that Joe (or Blaney) haven't done either of those things by, say, lap 50. This week Joe was seen skulking off to count his Greenies after an official count of 48 laps...................10/10
Tony Stewart - Put your fingers in your ears now Tony Stewart fans (or actually skip down a paragraph as your hearing does not effect your ability to read) because you know this isn't going to be pretty. You done that now? Good. What the hell was that?! Just because you have an umpteen hundred point lead doesn't mean you can decide to complete rubbish for a week. First you are the first car to go a lap down, then you have so many spare radios that must have had more dud equipment than your local AV swap meet, then you go speeding down pit road, and when you finally have had enough of (almost certainly) turning the air inside the car blue and decide to try and park it, NASCAR come along with a 'helpful' truck to get you going again. Don't they know who you are?! When you just want to go home they should just let you.....................7/10
Joey Logano - Sliced Bread's race was a little like a single round or toast with strawberry jam which you later find has a maggot in it. Short and sweet at the beginning, before hours of fret and worry, with a nasty ending. He backs his car into the wall early on to scupper his own race, before donning the black cape and picking up a scithe to read the final last rites (priests do hold a scithe when reading the last rites, right, just for effect) for Clint Bowyer's Chase hopes, by giving him a helping the Hamburger Helper into Michael Waltrip....................7/10
Martin Truex Jr - More ups and downs than a roller coaster (or a whore's drawer's for a crude British turn of phrase) is one (or two) ways to describe Truex's race. Speeding off pit road was the first big drop, before working his way all the way back up to the sharp end of the field, before a tyre let go. Then came the loop-the-loop, or corkscrew (if we're continuing the roller coaster metaphor, I'll let you think of something else for the other other) when we were shown employee relations MWR style and Martin got together with his boss next year en route to shortening Michael's car and watering the Bristol apron (I wonder if Martin's been told that was one of his chassis for next year?).................5/10
Sam Hornish Jr. - Praise be! Sam Hornish has returned. After a number of recent weeks when 'Sam Hornish' did quite well in races, Sam returned to the sideways form we know and love him for (not you David Stremme, you're just rubbish, no get out and let the new spotty kid in), by wiping his livery off on the wall, seriously Sam, sponsors don't like that, you can't even read their names on the wall after you've done it. He didn't even manage to beat the steam driven world record (which was actually broken this week). From this we can only summise that Sam hasn't been Sam in recent weeks, and well, the latest series of Top Gear finished here a few weeks ago, so The Stig's been free......................7/10
Kurt Busch - Congratulations Kurt Busch! You have done something that most of us previously though impossible, you have managed to have a pit problem that even Dale Earnhardt Jr. hasn't had. Was that tear off just extra sticky, or did you have a particularly weedy crewman this week? Kristen, is there a weedy #2 crewman, like one you needs help getting the lids off yogurts or is always claiming he "loosened" jar lids? On the good side we we're given the American Beauty moment of NASCAR as camera's watched the suddenly freed tear off wend it's way into the catch fencing, although no-one has confirmed the director as saying "it's the most beautiful thing I've ever filmed"..............3/10
And the Brikkie goes to...........
As if there was ever any competition this week, of course it's Kevin Harvick. He was the knee-capping to Joey Logano's mob-hit execution of Clint Bowyer's chase hopes, managed to tear up his own equipment, and by all accounts was living up to the name of a completely different Dwarf to his nickname, and he wasn't Doc, Sleepy, Sneezy, Bashful (although in previous seasons he's been one full of bashes) or Dopey (actually scratch that, Dopey might explain a few things).
Next Week
Well, of course, as is happens, I'm back off my break just as NASCAR's premier series have a week off ahead of going to Atlanta. There we'll have a return for Kurt Busch, a possible no-show from Regan Smith, all too rare visits from A.J. Allmendinger and David Reutimann, and of course, your recommended weekly allowance of the fibre that goes straight through NASCAR, with Dave Blaney, Joe Nemechek and Tony Raines.
Friday, 31 July 2009
All Filler, No Killer - The House-warming edition
All Filler, No Killer, NASCAR's most curiously titled and scatter brained review blog has a new home. Right here. We're still living out of the cardboard boxes, and we can't find half our stuff.
NASCAR wise it was week for being annoyed, but not surprised.
Let’s get this straight, the race was monumentally boring. The only reason I haven’t written a typically British strongly worded letter to NASCAR is because over here, on the same channel they went straight to the Indycar race in Edmonton, which made competitive origami or speed toe-nail cutting seem an applealing spectator sport.
But I wasn’t surprised, NASCAR have produced a nightmare of a car that loves clean air and hates anything else. As the latest peice of evidence I show you Juan Montoya. Clearing off at massive chunks of seconds a lap from everyone else in clean air, struggles to get past a kid who can’t buy a beer in traffic. I remember what a racing pass looked like, I have a VHS tape of one.
Then came the least surprising news of the week. Allstate are pulling the plug on their sponsorship of the Brickyard 400.
And that’s exactly why. Nobody (unless their checks are signed by NASCAR) reffered to the race as “The Allstate 400 at the Brickyard” (and yes, I expect my check to be in the post), it’s just the Brickyard 400, and a sponsor isn’t getting though to anyone worthwhile, if we all forget the race is actually sponsored.
Anyhoo, new home, same deal. Seven none-to-randomly are put in the electric chair of examination and sarcasm and then the dial is flicked to 11.
Joe Nemechek – Actual question that was asked by my nearest and dearest during the race. “Is there ever a weekend when Nemechek and Blaney aren’t out?” I then explained that they show up, pay lip service to racing park and are probably somewhere on the highway counting the cash by the time the race is over. “That doesn’t seem right,” she said. You see even she knows that Field Fillers aren’t good. However, Joe still managed to rob everyone of $142,216 for 21 laps work (which works out at $2708.88 per racing mile).........................10/10
Dave Blaney – The other part of the Field Filler duo exposed by Girl Wonder, Dave managed to do two more laps than Joe. And how was he rewarded for this extreme feat of endurance, by taking home $400 less than Nemechek at $141,825 ($2467.39 per racing mile). Oh, and just to give you an idea of how these numbers compare, Jimmie Johnson took home the equivalent of $1120 per racing mile and Mark Martin banked a paltry $840 per mile! No wonder teams are queuing up for Sprint Cup starts. It must be said that these field filler analysis are money based because that’s all they understand....................10/10
David Gilliland – TRG are my favourite field fillers, in that they are only field fillers some weeks. This week they were not, as David took the car to 30th place, plus five bonus points for leading a lap. The team also confirmed this week, as I hinted at way back when, that they are tapping into their road racing heritage for the second road course race at Watkins Glen, by bringing in Andy Lally, who most recently runs in the Grand-Am series for the team, for his Sprint Cup debut. Lally is used to big sleek aerodynamic rear engine Porsches. His reaction to driving Sprint Cup Slab, opps I mean car, will probably not be printable...............7/10
John Andretti – John Andretti is the bench mark of mediocrity. He doesn’t crash (often), he doesn’t get mentioned by the TV team, they never have a pit reported to have “something on the #34 car”. He just goes round and round and round. This week’s monotony brought him home 32nd, for a 35th place start to further cement his anonymity in NASCAR............9/10
Kurt Busch – I don’t know whether the Captain was at Indy at the weekend, but if he was he probably didn’t realise it. His lead car, Busch, started the race 40th – that’s so low it’s not even on the scoring tower, and was then dealt a further blow by having a loose wheel (Kurt’s lucky, in F1 that’s a hanging offence now). From then he just pounded round and round, not losing another lap (he even overtook John Andretti although no-one noticed) and eventually finished 27th (which is good enough to get on the scoring tower)....................7/10
Elliott Sadler – The name’s Sadler, Elliott Sadler, license to make Robby Gordon go sideways. The guys at GEM are clearly bond fans, and their own Q must have developed a device to put out an oil slick to put off those behind him (Dale Jr.’s team are working on the same thing, though have been typically rubbish given their Indy test). Unfortunately for them no-one has ever black flagged Bond (but then, it just isn’t right to black flag an Aston Martin).....................9/10
Brian Vickers – Brian was the top Toyota was pretty much the entire afternoon (not that anyone notices the ‘Yotas anymore when it’s not The Human Shrub or Sliced Bread at the wheel) holding station in the top-5 for his third top-5 finish and a very respectable ninth top-10, as many as Carl Edwards. Vickers currently sits 15th in points, 120 points out the chase and the Tail End Charlie of a trio of the Toyota’s that are outside the chase looking in......................2/10
And the Brikkie goes to...........
Juan Pablo Montoya. Juan, Juan, Juan, nothing should surprise you about NASCAR anymore. Not only do they refuse to acknowledge technology more up to date that Stephensons Rocket, but their cars don’t even have speedometers, so you don’t know when you’re speeding, and that leads to calls that (more often than not) tend to ruin a day. But then, to make things worse you enter into a battle of words with the men in the yellow trailer. You threaten to kill them (this isn’t good whether you’re dealing with NASCAR officials or, well, anyone) then you start swearing on the lives of the wife and children that you didn’t speed. Basically with their understanding you just entered into a binding contract with an organisation who can change rules like the wind on the lives of your family. Expect Connie and kids to be shelling out hotdogs and Coors Light – the official beer of NASCAR – at Pocono.
Next Week
Poc Oh No! The Tiresome Triangle, 180 degrees of a cure for insomnia. Trying to help me get through it will be the Dodge trio of Kasey Kahne, Kurt Busch and Sam Hornish, the Camry (and incidentally Field Filler) comrades of Joe Nemechek, Dave Blaney and Mike Skinner and a lone bow tie boy in Martin Truex Jr. And we’ll try and get scatter cushions, and maybe paint an accent wall in our new home.
NASCAR wise it was week for being annoyed, but not surprised.
Let’s get this straight, the race was monumentally boring. The only reason I haven’t written a typically British strongly worded letter to NASCAR is because over here, on the same channel they went straight to the Indycar race in Edmonton, which made competitive origami or speed toe-nail cutting seem an applealing spectator sport.
But I wasn’t surprised, NASCAR have produced a nightmare of a car that loves clean air and hates anything else. As the latest peice of evidence I show you Juan Montoya. Clearing off at massive chunks of seconds a lap from everyone else in clean air, struggles to get past a kid who can’t buy a beer in traffic. I remember what a racing pass looked like, I have a VHS tape of one.
Then came the least surprising news of the week. Allstate are pulling the plug on their sponsorship of the Brickyard 400.
And that’s exactly why. Nobody (unless their checks are signed by NASCAR) reffered to the race as “The Allstate 400 at the Brickyard” (and yes, I expect my check to be in the post), it’s just the Brickyard 400, and a sponsor isn’t getting though to anyone worthwhile, if we all forget the race is actually sponsored.
Anyhoo, new home, same deal. Seven none-to-randomly are put in the electric chair of examination and sarcasm and then the dial is flicked to 11.
Joe Nemechek – Actual question that was asked by my nearest and dearest during the race. “Is there ever a weekend when Nemechek and Blaney aren’t out?” I then explained that they show up, pay lip service to racing park and are probably somewhere on the highway counting the cash by the time the race is over. “That doesn’t seem right,” she said. You see even she knows that Field Fillers aren’t good. However, Joe still managed to rob everyone of $142,216 for 21 laps work (which works out at $2708.88 per racing mile).........................10/10
Dave Blaney – The other part of the Field Filler duo exposed by Girl Wonder, Dave managed to do two more laps than Joe. And how was he rewarded for this extreme feat of endurance, by taking home $400 less than Nemechek at $141,825 ($2467.39 per racing mile). Oh, and just to give you an idea of how these numbers compare, Jimmie Johnson took home the equivalent of $1120 per racing mile and Mark Martin banked a paltry $840 per mile! No wonder teams are queuing up for Sprint Cup starts. It must be said that these field filler analysis are money based because that’s all they understand....................10/10
David Gilliland – TRG are my favourite field fillers, in that they are only field fillers some weeks. This week they were not, as David took the car to 30th place, plus five bonus points for leading a lap. The team also confirmed this week, as I hinted at way back when, that they are tapping into their road racing heritage for the second road course race at Watkins Glen, by bringing in Andy Lally, who most recently runs in the Grand-Am series for the team, for his Sprint Cup debut. Lally is used to big sleek aerodynamic rear engine Porsches. His reaction to driving Sprint Cup Slab, opps I mean car, will probably not be printable...............7/10
John Andretti – John Andretti is the bench mark of mediocrity. He doesn’t crash (often), he doesn’t get mentioned by the TV team, they never have a pit reported to have “something on the #34 car”. He just goes round and round and round. This week’s monotony brought him home 32nd, for a 35th place start to further cement his anonymity in NASCAR............9/10
Kurt Busch – I don’t know whether the Captain was at Indy at the weekend, but if he was he probably didn’t realise it. His lead car, Busch, started the race 40th – that’s so low it’s not even on the scoring tower, and was then dealt a further blow by having a loose wheel (Kurt’s lucky, in F1 that’s a hanging offence now). From then he just pounded round and round, not losing another lap (he even overtook John Andretti although no-one noticed) and eventually finished 27th (which is good enough to get on the scoring tower)....................7/10
Elliott Sadler – The name’s Sadler, Elliott Sadler, license to make Robby Gordon go sideways. The guys at GEM are clearly bond fans, and their own Q must have developed a device to put out an oil slick to put off those behind him (Dale Jr.’s team are working on the same thing, though have been typically rubbish given their Indy test). Unfortunately for them no-one has ever black flagged Bond (but then, it just isn’t right to black flag an Aston Martin).....................9/10
Brian Vickers – Brian was the top Toyota was pretty much the entire afternoon (not that anyone notices the ‘Yotas anymore when it’s not The Human Shrub or Sliced Bread at the wheel) holding station in the top-5 for his third top-5 finish and a very respectable ninth top-10, as many as Carl Edwards. Vickers currently sits 15th in points, 120 points out the chase and the Tail End Charlie of a trio of the Toyota’s that are outside the chase looking in......................2/10
And the Brikkie goes to...........
Juan Pablo Montoya. Juan, Juan, Juan, nothing should surprise you about NASCAR anymore. Not only do they refuse to acknowledge technology more up to date that Stephensons Rocket, but their cars don’t even have speedometers, so you don’t know when you’re speeding, and that leads to calls that (more often than not) tend to ruin a day. But then, to make things worse you enter into a battle of words with the men in the yellow trailer. You threaten to kill them (this isn’t good whether you’re dealing with NASCAR officials or, well, anyone) then you start swearing on the lives of the wife and children that you didn’t speed. Basically with their understanding you just entered into a binding contract with an organisation who can change rules like the wind on the lives of your family. Expect Connie and kids to be shelling out hotdogs and Coors Light – the official beer of NASCAR – at Pocono.
Next Week
Poc Oh No! The Tiresome Triangle, 180 degrees of a cure for insomnia. Trying to help me get through it will be the Dodge trio of Kasey Kahne, Kurt Busch and Sam Hornish, the Camry (and incidentally Field Filler) comrades of Joe Nemechek, Dave Blaney and Mike Skinner and a lone bow tie boy in Martin Truex Jr. And we’ll try and get scatter cushions, and maybe paint an accent wall in our new home.
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